Sex and the Mentally Disabled
Mom on a Mission - British Mother Seeks Sex For Down's Syndrome Son
Mar 19, 2009 Jacqueline S. Homan
But Otto Baxter is different. For Otto, the dating scene is more challenging than for most young people. Otto has Down's Syndrome, a chromosomal anomaly associated with certain forms of mental retardation and distinctly noticeable physical traits.
Although there are many people with Down's Syndrome who are high functioning and who have managed to date and even marry, it is harder for those with disabilities. Having a visible disability comes with an additional set of challenges and obstacles because society is quick to reject those with disabilities - especially disabilities with stigmas attached to them.
Carol Boys of United Kingdom support group Down's Syndrome Association said, "People with Down's Syndrome have the same feelings and desires as everyone else, and there's no reason why they shouldn't have relationships."
Lucy Baxter has gone so far as to set up online profiles for Otto on Internet social networking sites. She says she is even considering taking Otto to an Amsterdam brothel if no other opportunity presents itself. She desperately wants her son to have every opportunity to enjoy the same life experiences as everyone else - including the experiences of dating and a sex life.
A matter of unearned privilege
Few would dispute that someone with Down's Syndrome deserves to be happy, loved and accepted. But there are many people in society who get short-changed along those lines who don't have Down's Syndrome. Overweight women are particularly disadvantaged, as are the physically unattractive. Another disadvantaged group are those from poverty whose life chances are diminished due to society's rejection of them. It is not just those with Down's Syndrome that lose out in the dating scene, careers, love, and marriage.
Some people get dealt more "bumps and bruises" than others. Whether someone has Down's Syndrome or not, finding social acceptance, a good job, and a satisfying love life is harder for those deemed "not sufficiently good-looking" (and therefore "undeserving"). What did society's unattractive, overweight, or "plain Janes" do to deserve deprivation of all the pleasures of "normal" life experiences that the "pretty people" get accorded to them and take for granted as normal entitlements?
But the reality of unearned privilege rears its ugly head in the form of stilted opinions from those who hold themselves up to be more deserving than others because they were lucky to be born without a disability and have good looks - not because they earned these traits. They simply won the gene pool crap shoot in the birth lottery.
Mother's approach may be unorthodox and unsafe for Down's Syndrome son
The risks to Otto's personal safety should not be underestimated. The Internet dating scene comes with additional complications and risks not inherent in the "real space" dating scene. Many people avoid Internet dating sites due to recent highly publicized incidents of social predation.
One such case entailed the murder of Mary Jeony. The 30 year old Albany, New York woman was murdered by boyfriend Richard Heinze, Jr. of nearby Schenectady. They met through an online dating site. Jeony was murdered by Heinze on January 23, 2008 shortly after meeting in person. Heinze's profile did not mention the fact that he had a history of violence and owed $100,000 in back-due child support. Jeony's body was not found until a couple of months later. Online dating is risky for those without disabilities. Those with disabilities face greater risk of harm by social predators.
But this mother's message sheds light on the broader issue. Aren't we all equally deserving of opportunities to participate in life? And yes, that includes sex. But that also includes disappointments. How do those with significant mental disabilities cope with rejection?
paula Sage - Actress with Downs Syndrome
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